by Lee Tandy Schwartzman, age 7, Seattle, Washington

Lee Tandy Schwartzman wrote and illustrated this story when she was 7 years old. We first published it in 1978 as the November/December issue of Stone Soup. Crippled Detectives is the fabulously funny story of four sisters and a brother — Lee, Sylvia, Anne, Ben and Lisette, aged 15, 15, 5, 4 and 3 — who take it upon themselves to save the world from an evil villain, the Red Romer, and his gang.

As soon as we read the first sentence of the 100-page manuscript we recognized its brilliance. There was only one trouble. It was almost impossible to read! There was no punctuation and words were spelled with considerable imagination. After a huge effort we managed to type the manuscript, standardizing punctuation and spelling. Beyond that we made no changes. What you see here is the story as Lee wrote it.

We are very proud to have published Crippled Detectives and are very happy that, through the World Wide Web, we can easily make it available to you. Print it out! Share the story with children and friends! Enjoy!

Chapter One
A Sad Trial

“Oh!” said Sylvia suddenly. “What?” said Lee alarmed. “Oh I have to go out with you to get firewood,” replied Sylvia. “Oh now I remember,” said Lee, and into the house went the two girls to get Lisette and Ben and the things they would need to chop down trees for wood craft and firewood. The sister and brother came out. “Where’s Anne?” said Lee in a worried tone of voice. “I don’t know,” said Sylvia, turning around slowly to see if she could see Anne from the distance. “Where are we going?” asked Ben and Lisette together. “To get kindling wood if we find Anne,” answered Sylvia. “Here I am,” called a happy voice. “Are we going to get wood again?” said Anne. “I found a place where the trees are thick.” “Oh Anne!” said Lee. “Well, are we going?” asked Anne. “Yep,” said Sylvia.

When they got to the spot Ben and Lisette cut down the tree while Lee, Sylvia, and Anne stood in a patch of ivy. Suddenly a wind sprung up and made the tree fall in the direction of Anne, Lee, and Sylvia. “Run!” screamed Lisette. They ran but they tripped on the vines of ivy. Before they could get up, smack! and blood flowed out. The tree had fallen on their middles where they had had serious operations. Lisette and Ben pulled off the tree and carried them home. Off to the hospital they went and were crippled.

When the others went visiting in the children’s ward, the patients of the family were glad to see them. “Boy,” said Lee, “that was a big eastern wind.” “Yep, it sure was,” said Anne. “It occurs to me,” said Ben, “that that wind was phony and that someone caused it . . .” “Because,” said Lisette, “there are never strong eastern winds in South Dakota where we are now . . .” “And,” said Ben, “we never ever get eastern winds nowadays.” Just then the alarm bell rang and the news machine reported that in Africa a robber had his hand chopped off and was sent here because there were not enough doctors in Africa. “The robber has escaped-aped-aped-aped-aped-aped,” went the machine. The parents wrapped up their sick children in quilts and went to the door. “It’s locked!” screamed Lisette. Ben made a rope out of sheets and pillowcases, fastened it to the beds, and threw the other end out the window. The family got down safely. Some of the nurses and doctors had been shot. Others were hiding. A nurse explained that the robber of Africa was fierce and had stored money from the hospital. “His name is the Red Romer, and he has enough electricity and money to make a strong wind as you say what happened. Run!” said the nurse. So they ran ran ran ran.

Chapter Two
More Badness

After that they went away. They went to France because they had better doctors there. One day Lee used crutches to find Ben and Lisette stranded on the beach with bare feet and a poisonous jellyfish dead on the beach. So Lee said, “Don’t move or the poison will spread. Don’t wink, blink, or talk or walk, don’t do anything except breathe.” Lee put a blanket of seaweed on them and gathered the shells that had points and threw them down into the ocean and got a ambulance to rescue them. Afterwards they were crippled and brought back crutches to use. “But there are no poisonous jellyfish in France,” said all the people, “except the rare moneoe who live in the west not in the east of Paris.”

“Anne, where are you?” said Sylvia. They found Anne dead with a bullet in her forehead, lying on the floor dying with red fingerprints on the gun and a note which read:

A foolish girl who called the police first sight of me and if you want to live keep the police out of this or you will soon have a blown up Europe and 9,000,000,000,000 dead people including you.

Signed,
Red Romer

Their parents cried, Lisette screamed, Lee shuddered, and Sylvia gasped and the nurse fainted, but it seemed Anne was laughing. She opened her eyes and stood up. “Good trick I played on that Red Romer,” she said, and all saw her taking a piece of plastic off her forehead. Then everybody started laughing. The nurse woke up and rubbed her eyes and laughed too and went to do research.

Lisette and Ben used crutches and could both run and walk. They ate more and slept better. One day the 9,000,000,000 people of Europe were robbed, 601 were killed, 700 houses were ruined or burned down. Then a phony storm came up — wind, clouds, rain, thunder, mist, lightning, snow, frost, and hail — and they went in it so they had to stay there for a while.

Chapter Three
Clues

“Now we better get to the top of this,” they said. “Now to find out his phone number,” said Lee. “Let me see how we find it,” said Sylvia. So they walked off to the bazaar to find out the villain’s phone number. There were rich plum puddings, chocolate cakes, apple pie, cherry tarts, pineapple biscuits, roast beef with gravy, corn, rice, and chicken and steak. They pushed their way through the crowd to the door and into the lobby hall. They walked through the lobby hall until they came to a door with a sign on it which read: HEAD OF BAZAAR, MR. GRITS. They opened the door which was not locked and stepped into the room which was dimly lighted. A black man with white hair and a white beard sat on a chair by the desk, his head facing down, writing with a black ink pen on some paper. He turned his head up when he saw us and said, “What do you want?”

I said, “How many people were robbed?” “900,” he said. “How many people were killed?” “601,” he said. “How many houses were ruined?” we said. “700,” he said. “May you give me a piece of paper?” I said. “Sure,” he said. He handed a piece of paper to me. I wrote down 900 601 700. “His phone number!” we cried, took the paper, and rushed out. Mr. Grits shook his head and said, “Crazy kids, never know what they’re talking about, crazy crazy.”

Meanwhile our parents were worried about us and asked Flow, a French girl who knew us. She said, “They were going to the bazaar to get information from Mr. Grits. Come, I’ll show you.” She led the way on the path through the woods onto a green lawn past the beach club on a old road to the right of the old-fashioned windmill. They too pushed their way through the crowd to the lobby hall and went into the dim room. Mr. Grits looked up and smiled when they told him that their kids were last seen at the bazaar. “They ran out somewhere,” he said. But the parents knew their kids. They would surely come back for supper with good or bad news.

Meanwhile we were at the new street with the telephone booth on it for special calls. They took a dime, put it in, and dialed 900 601 700. On the telephone a mean gruff voice said, “Hello, who is this?” “Red Romer you tried to kill us, this is Lee Shypman and . . .” “LEE!” roared the voice. “Yes,” Lee said. “Lee, what do you want?” he said. There was a pause. “Speak!” roared the Red Romer, not as loudly as before. “What are you afraid of?” I said. “The special mirror which will reflect back my powers. It has been passed on to you from your grandfather and hidden under your house. If you die it shall be mine,” he said and hung up.

I told the rest of the gang. They said good and dug to find the mirror. Soon we found it and we had to find the villain’s hideout, so we went from all the paths to each house he had been in. It led to a oak tree with a brown rope hanging down that nobody could see because of the brown of the tree. We looked up into the branches. There was a tree house. The door was bolted and locked and chained securely. How could they get in? The windows were closed and locked, except one which was closed but not locked, so they went to it and pushed it open, climbing through. They saw bombs, tanks of oil, huge batteries of electricity, chains, ropes, locks, and firecrackers as big as tanks. Rifles and guns were scattered about. A sleeping guard was lying by the door. Quietly we tiptoed through the mess, past the guard, and into the next room.

Chapter Four
We Fail

Suddenly the guard woke up, saw their footprints, and pressed the alarm button. We heard it and hunted for the door to the room we had got into because the guard would be in another room guarding. Meanwhile it was way past suppertime. Our parents were worried.

While we were hunting we found it and went in, flipped out the window and almost fell down the rope, and scurried to the old country road and back to town. We had failed in our plan to capture the Red Romer. Failed. We had to tell the truth at home, and our parents were proud of us because we had tried. As long as we had the mirror we were safe from all danger, but all was lost because the Red Romer would be aware and bolt, close, lock, chain, and rope all openings, including the faucet, door, chimney pipes, window, and be ready to kill us. But we were ready to kill him with the mirror to reflect back his powers upon him. But if he killed us while we were sleeping that would be too bad, so we took bags of steam and hung it on the door in such a way that if the door was opened the steam would come out, blind him, and wake us so we could take time to get the mirror. Every night we slept together.

Chapter Five
Sickness

But no one came in the night, but all night long not one of them could sleep, so they sang “Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly,” “Yankee Doodle,” and “Pierre” and read Helen Keller, Pippi Longstocking, and Cats, but not a yawn came from their mouths, not a bit did their eyelids close. Not books, records, radio, TV, snacks, toys, games, or studying would do any good, not writing letters and calling midnight calls would do any good, not even sleeping pills. They could not speak, not a sound came from their mouths. Their parents called the hospital. The hospital said it would go away, “But stay amused with things and keep exercising every day. Eat lots every day.” “What do they have?” asked their parents. “Anfibyody,” they said, but they had to stay in the hospital because their mouths were sealed shut. They had to be fed by the veins in a incubator, and it would give them acid for exercising.

Chapter Six
Our Trouble!!!

After they got better they were not well because they had a pain, a dreadful pain, that made them paralyzed when they ran, so they ate, sleeped, and did nothing but that until they were let back to their family. At the house they were cared for dearly until they went to their room, found the mirror, and remembered the Red Romer. So again we searched for the Red Romer, not his hideout for it was locked up, not his phone number for when he knew who was on the other end of the telephone he’d hang up, but what if we found him at a bank stealing money? But we did not know which bank he’d be at, at when, what time. The note when Anne pretended to be shot said to keep the police out of it, so they could not ask the police to find out where the Red Romer will be. We sighed. Maybe we were on a wild goose chase after all, but we did not know if it would be that hard after all, so we’d give it a try and try to find where he would be ourselves. So we thought hard for hours. Nobody came up with a answer. All sat with their head on their hands and their eyes closed. Suddenly Lee pointed to the Red Romer running through the field by them. “We better see where he’s going,” whispered Lee, so they ran after him. But ouch! They stood still. Then Lee was the first one to snap out of it. “Ouch, that paralyzing pain still hurts,” Lee said. “Oh he’s just going into his old tree house,” said Ben. “We ran for nothing,” said Lisette. “You bet,” said Sylvia. “Ouch ouch ouchety ouch,” said Anne. “Let us think right here. It will waste time to go back to the spot we were sitting in,” said Sylvia. So they thought for hours. But Ben said, “Silly sillies, we have to wait till that pain goes away.” And the others sadly regretted it was true, so they asked their parents when the pain would wear out. They said it would wear out in a month, so we made a calendar which had when the pain would go. Meanwhile we thought about our plans.

Chapter Seven
Waiting

Like any girl or boy in the world knows, it is not very pleasant to wait unless you have something to amuse yourself. They thought hard about the matter, their heads hurt from thinking, but they dare not complain to their pleasant elderly 15-year-olds, Sylvia and Lee, who were sweet as everything in the bazaar that was good, charming as new blown silver, pink roses with hearts, sweeter than Venus herself to Ben and Lisette. Anne was lovely as a white rosebud half opened but never took the place of their charming elders, so they did as their elders asked, and doing their thinking was their wish. But as I have not told you before, Lisette was the smartest thinker in the group, so one day she came up with a marvelous idea. “Let’s hide behind his tree house. When he comes down we can follow him disguised as grass and leaves,” she said one gloomy evening when everybody had almost given up and gone to bed. “Splendid idea, Lisette,” they cried. Ben, who was better than everyone in the art of clothing and costumes, made five lovely little suits embroidered with careful stitches with real leaves sewn on with dyed string, and grass and dandelions, buttercups, tansy, wild aster, pansy, and wild rose. So that night in their suits they waited and waited on the wildflowers, waiting for the Red Romer, their hair in net-like caps that Sylvia and Lee had made.

Chapter Eight
To Africa

But instead of going after the Red Romer, we found ourselves listening to the Red Romer talking to his band. He said:

“We’re going to Africa again.”

“How come?”

“’Cause this place is filled with cops.”

“But we can get the cops.”

“But there is a great chick there.”

“What is her name?”

“Susan Simmer.”

“Why the Simmer?”

“Because she simmers poison into drugs and drugs into food.”

“Wow, what a beauty.”

That was the end of the talk, that the Red Romer was getting married. So we wrote down all he said, scurried home, and slept.

In the morning our parents said, “You aren’t well. The doctor said you should go on a trip to a sunny place. The hot Congo, he says, is the cheapest trip.” What luck our friends have, if you don’t mind your author breaking in so promptly. But the Congo was where the Red Romer’s angel girl lives in her cell in a rotten basement full of dust and spider webs, rats and mice. She loves animals, so she gives her pets, as she calls them, cheese and bread crumbs, and they bring her poison and drugs to thank her.

The wedding was to be in a lovely meadow in the Congo. They waited. Soon Susan Simmer and Red Romer came and they talked with the men.

Red Romer: Somewhere the wedding will be.

Guy: Not in Paris. There’s Sylvia, Lee, Anne, Ben, and Lisette.

Guy: Not in town, too many cops.

Susan: How about here?

Red Romer: Great! You got brains, Susan.

Then all the robbers stole away and sent for the arrangements. It was to be at midnight at Spring Valley, nine months from then, and they would sleep together in Susan’s cell. So it would be at September 4th at midnight in Spring Meadow.

Chapter Nine
Robber’s Marriage

Now a robber’s marriage is loud and peaceful at the same time, but however you may think robbers are bad, their parties are wonderful. Cakes, pies, meat, and rice, with lace tablecloth and satin rug, paper lanterns and colored streamers fly here then there, balloons sway in the wind and big bells ring loudly, lace cloth flutters over rosewood table, and the bride comes in lace, roses, and ribbons, with veil over her face and train flowing in the wind, groom in a black velvet cloak and red silk robe and smiling always. After that the bride and groom take off their clothes and are locked together with gold and diamond and pearl chains and spread over with a black velvet cloth.

 

Chapter Ten
Mandrake

Mandrake was a well-trained Scottish terrier with a ear to hear all of our friends’ situations and rescue them at the time they most needed it. So he drove the Red Romer, Susan Simmer, and the Red Romer’s three men away with bites and scratches to the Red Romer’s hideout in Africa. He gave Susan a hard bad dog bite in her stomach. She was wrapped in tissue with herbs and wet cloths on her stomach, aching, wailing cries, hurting restlessly rolling on her side, screaming when thunder boomed and lightning flashed. The Red Romer spread acid on it and wiped it with cloths of iodine, washed it and bandaged it, wrapping her in cloths, sheets, and covering her with 37 quilts. She fainted and woke and screamed, but suddenly she fell asleep, and tossing and turning she whimpered in her sleep, and in the morning cried as if she were to die. Then she got better.

Chapter Eleven
Birth

Days after, the girls spied on Susan and RR (RR is Red Romer), and as they spied they grew more and more frightened because Susan after the marriage was pregnant. Her tummy bulged full and a villain child would come to chill their hearts. Even if they did not know if the villain child would be a boy or girl, it would be a villain for sure. Six to chill them: a baby, a couple, and three men of the Red Romer’s property. He had twenty more in the hideout cell, so it was twenty-three to chill. We spied and spied at her in her big bed and her ten maidens with robes, veils, nets, and long full skirts and white boots. The maids’ names were 1 Velma, 2 Elma, 3 Una, 4 Tete, 5 Toabta, 6 Ming, 7 Frofo, 8 Findally, 9 Minba, 10 Ashim, all dressed the same in ghostly dresses. Finally Ben said, “Why are we afraid of their baby? She or he can’t get us because they’re a baby and babies can’t hurt. Susan can’t hurt us, she’ll be busy with the baby. Red Romer will be busy with Susan, the maidens will be looking after her, and RR’s gang are making out orders, orders like, ’Build a baby bottle, a oven, a big brown crib, a cradle and soft quilt covering for the floor and walls, clean the place up, get Susan a heated pad, the baby’s kicking her stomach, build some rugs and toys, put on some dim-lighted bulbs for the light, get milk, cream, acid, butter, buttermilk, lots of food, pillows, quilts, mattresses, blankets, sheets, warming pan, iced sheets.’ That’s what he’ll be doing.” And Ben was right. RR was busy giving orders, thinking them up, telling his men where things were, and giving Susan pills to make her sleep. He got a robber doctor who helped give orders. Susan was wailing, “The baby’s kicking me from inside. Oh the pain, the pain, the pain. Help, it hurts, argheg ahhh eeeeeeek. Help, Reddy, ow. Reddy, Reddy, I repeat, come here! Ow, ouch, it hurts, OW, oh the pain. Make the baby stop, come before I get hoarse. Waaa, sniffle, sob, sob.” Susan never went out of bed. She ate and ate, wailed and wailed, read and read, slept and slept. She was nursed and nursed. One day she gave them such a hard day that they were sore by evening. “What a life!” they told each other. “Sometimes I wish I had not been born, I would rather die. But I trust old Redder, I’ve worked for him and there’s been worse times than this, packing for Africa, making bombs and firecrackers, stealing money, oil, and electricity. What a life! But if I ran away I’d be no better off, and it would make old Redder quite sad. But I’d love that that great chick Susan Simmer were mine. I’d give her satin, jewels, diamonds, silks and dresses, laces, meat, 92 flowers, candy, and who knows what else. Oh no, here comes another order. If I want to help old Redder, I better stop talking about Susan and get to work.” Susan’s maidens said the same things about it, and they almost panicked in nursing, feeding, and tending Susan Simmer. Those were bad old times!!!!!!!!

Chapter Twelve
Storytime

“Naptime for Anne, Ben, and Lisette,” cried the elders. Anne, Ben, and Lisette were 5, 4, and 3, so they had to take naps. Tall beautiful Sylvia and Lee carried them up the long stairs. They tucked them in. Then Lisette said,“Storytime. Tell us some of those mystery ones.” “Don’t we always?” answered the elders. Lee smiled pleasantly. “Sylvia is the good story-teller. I’ll listen along with you.” So Sylvia began.

This is the story of the haunted office. Every midnight when the moon and stars were out the moon winked to the office. When he did so a rosy glow filled the room and the old people jumped out of the photos on the desk and waited till the window opened and the stars ran into the room and the moon fairy in her moon shell carriage, with Pegasus to pull it, rode into the room, and the window shut, the carriage stopped, and Pegasus lay down on thin air. The moon fairy waved her wand and the dictionary opened and read to wisen the evening. It closed. Then the photo people danced around the fairy, the stars danced around the peacock feather, and the dried lavender perfumed the room, sweeting. But a warning came — dawn! The fairy rode out, the stars ran out, the window closed, the lavender hung tied to the rafters in the ceiling, the photo people ran into their photos, and the room became dark. And that’s the story. The end.

Lisette and Ben and Anne had fallen asleep. “Sleep sweetly and good night till we wake you,” whispered Lee and Sylvia. “Feel good in the morn.”

Chapter Thirteen
A Happy Day Without Worrying

The morn was when Sylvia and Lee woke them, and now they were waking them with words. “Dear Anne, dear Lisette, dear Ben, wake up please wake it is morn.” The children woke up and were carried down by their elders. “We’re having pearl balls and chocolate milk for dinner.” The youngsters were delighted about dinner and dessert. The dessert was cherry pie with whip cream and apple slices, and for pass-ons* sassafras and carrots, and for drink ice cream soda. They washed, and bibs were put under their chins. They ate every bit of food on their plate and asked for seconds, thirds, and fourths. Then they ate dessert and were put to bed. After the youngsters were put to bed, Sylvia read Naked is the Best Disguise and Lee read Supership.

Then we went to bed and we dreamed that we went to the land of good and found a sweet little house with curtains by the door. And Mother and Father were dressed in silks with gold belts and pearl chains with diamond crowns and wings. And Mother waved a wand, a wand that appeared from nowhere, and a gray cloud floated in and from the middle a rosebud appeared and opened. And out from the rose a fairy flew out and turned us to angels with crowns and flowing robes and gowns of gauze with halos over us, and we strumming golden harps and singing:

Oh pony of love

we see you

SEE YOU

our hearts will bloom

if we see you.

Then we awoke. It was one of those clear cool quiet mornings before the sun shines. The sun was not up so it was dark. The youngsters were peacefully sleeping. Sylvia and Lee whispered.

Lee: Let’s surprise the youngsters.

Sylvia: With what?????

Lee: Cherry pie, punch, popovers.

Sylvia: Pancakes with syrup and toast.

Lee: Fried ham, cooked bacon.

Sylvia: Let’s get to work.

Lee: O.K., you bet they’ll be happy.

Sylvia: Stop wasting time, Lee.

Lee: Oh right oh right.

Sylvia: Don’t tell me we’re gonna fight?

Lee: No, no way.

When the youngsters awoke they gobbled it down and thanked the elders. The elders quite agreed it was good. Then they walked Mandrake and called friends because today was Anne’s birthday. When she got home, surprise! She was opening presents: 5 dollies and 12 tin soldiers, 9 books, doll clothes, cloth and buttons to make doll clothes, clothes and a pretty gold necklace with a sapphire in it.

*A pass-on is a dish of food which is passed on by the members of the table till it is empty.

Chapter Fourteen
After Today

Lee: I feel like singing a song.

Sylvia: O.K., okey dokey.

And this is how the song goes:

After today the world’s gonna spin incorrect

and the sun’s gonna turn to cheddar cheese

and the stars gonna turn to lemon drops

and the bigger ones to lollypops

and so I keep this song in my heart.

After today I’ll get a head start.

After today and so it’s like tomorrow

I’m gonna fly through the air.

It’s like evil was only yesterday.

After today I’m gonna walk on thin air

and so I’m gonna be there.

After today I’ll swim like a fish

and tomorrow fly like a bird.

Nothing is gonna keep me from being there at tomorrow

and where are the words for tomorrow?

After the song Sylvia began to cry, whispering, “Lee, Ben’s gonna die tomorrow, oh Ben’s dying, Lee, tomorrow he’ll die.” Sylvia lay her head on Lee’s apron. “And,” cried Sylvia, “I’m gonna cry forever. Our parents went on a airplane, the airplane crashed, and it has not been found.” Lee cried too. Suddenly Sylvia stopped crying. “Lee, it means we have to take care of the youngsters, even Ben if he is still alive. It means we’re women, we have to fight the villains and take care of our family at the same time. We’re four or five alone.” But the day after Ben died and the girls wept upon his grave, but only the elders held back their tears, but black clouds came and they ran for cover for it would rain.

Chapter Fifteen
Four Alone

Four girls alone is a sad thing to be. It was cool and quiet and sad under the cover of the tree. It was a olive tree and white doves were nesting in it, a peacock sat down by them and spread its feathers, a pair of lovers sat by them, and a woman and a small child sat in the olive tree. Lee and Sylvia picked up Lisette and Anne, spread their umbrellas, and ran into the hard hailing rain. The sadness of that moment seemed forever, the lost parents and dead Ben. And a they rushed through the never-faltering pounding rain the rain turned to hail. The rain and hail pounded hard on the umbrella. White balls enclosed them like snow. Where was a sheltering tree? Wind roared and icicles hung on the branches of the trees. A branch broke off, crash smash! Ben’s tombstone was buried. It was snowing. Anne and Lisette woke from their sleep and knew their elders were dodging the death of the storm. Finally they got down, dug a hole, and jumped into it. Lee and Sylvia put their umbrellas to cover the top and keep more snow from falling in, Sylvia put some pillows on the bottom that she had got from the cleaners, and they spread a blanket on them. Anne’s leg bled because a sharp branch had scratched it while the elders ran. Lee washed it with ice and wrapped it in two white clean clear sheets and tied it on with cords that she had found. Never had such a thing happened. It was safe now and cozy now but a bit cold, and sharing coats did not help much. Of all the things that ever could happen this was the worst. Four alone in a snow hole and one of the four was hurt. But a tree fell, the hole grew smaller, the elders made a tunnel to get out, and they ran home.

Chapter Sixteen
Stormy Cold

In the house Anne had her leg bandaged better and Lisette and Anne soaked their feet in hot water. The elders piled blankets on the youngsters’ beds and got brown sugar and medicine and jelly. Lee came down and put their slippers on their feet and carried them up. Sylvia had put brown sugar in the drug and made them take it, then spooned them jelly to take away the nasty taste, then into bed they went and in two seconds they were asleep. If they were not treated nicely, a bad cold would come. Meanwhile Lee put a stepladder up to the shelf, got down a bowl, and found the key to the closet.

Lee unlocked the closet and got out the rugged beds.* Sylvia hunted till she found the temperature stick. When the youngsters awoke they were strapped to the rugged beds and the thermometer put in their mouths. When the thermometer was taken out it was normal. It was such a comfort to know that they were not catching a cold and that whooping cough and German measles were tossed away to the stormy sea, and stormy cold did not exist at that moment. Villains, sorrows, and colds were forgotten, and hope danced into their tired hearts, goodness at last.

*A rugged bed is a long box of light wood with a soft rug on top. It’s used to take sick kids out of bed for a while.

Chapter Seventeen
Villain’s Fault Is the Crash

Suddenly the radio started up: “FBI report FBI report, the crash of airline’s 15th plane, airplane 15, Hand in Hand,  was caused by somebody, I repeat, somebody, villain or not quite as bad as villain, the crash was caused by humans.” “Sylvia!” cried Lee, “write in script now, here’s paper and a pen. Now I’ll tell you what to write.” It said:

Dummy, did you cause the airplane crash? Answer or else we’ll use the mirror on you. Answer!

Signed,
Anne, Lee, Sylvia,
and Lisette

They put the note on the doorstep of the Red Romer’s den. He read it and replied:

DO NOT USE THE MIRROR ON ME I MADE IT CRASH PARDON ME PLEASE PARDON ME I HUMBLY REGRET I DID AND YOU KNOW I KNOW THAT THAT MIRROR CAN DO OTHER THINGS GOODBY!!!!

We read it and were angry at him, very angry at him, so we would charge, and we would give him and his wife and her maidens and his men and their kid A PIECE OF OUR MINDS. And we really truly would. And fast real fast bigger than anything in the world we would. We would do that certainly we would. Now really, what did he have against our parents?

Chapter Eighteen
Villain Baby

We were mad so we went walking and while we were walking we talked.

Lee: We’re walking over to RR’s house to give him a piece of our mind yes sir we are.

Sylvia: You bet.

Anne: He had no right to . . .

Lisette: Kill our parents.

Sylvia: Lisette, sometimes I think Mom and Dad did not teach you not to interrupt.

Lisette: I did too get taught.

Sylvia: Well you act like you have not.

Lee: Sylvia, don’t speak like that. She’s young you know.

Lisette: I am old.

Lee: Oh Lisette, you’re only 3.

Lisette: I am old for my age.

Lee: You want a spanking.

Lisette: No don’t.

Sylvia: Mind your manners, she’s young you know.

Lee: Sylvia’s a copycat.

Sylvia: Shut up.

Anne: Mind your manners.

Lee: You want a spanking.

Anne: No don’t.

Sylvia: CAN’T I LET A WORD IN?

Lee: No don’t.

Sylvia: You want a spanking.

Lee: You dumb dumb, I’m not one of the youngsters.

Lisette: Mind your manners, Lee.

Lee: Shut up dumb dumb.

Lisette: Waaa.

Sylvia: You made her cry. Youngsters are sensitive.

Lee: You dummy.

Sylvia: Waaaa.

Lee: You said only babies did that.

Anne: I’m not a baby, in other words waaaa.

Lee: I was not talking about you.

Anne: Good.

Lee: Shut up.

Sylvia: Mind your manners, Lee.

Lee: Aren’t we saying the same things over again?

Sylvia: Shut up.

Anne. She did not say mind your manners.

Sylvia: Shut up.

Lee: Here we go again.

Lisette: Waaa.

Lee: I did not say anything.

Lisette: I stepped on a sharp rock.

Lee: Let’s be quiet.

When they got there they heard music and they looked inside the villain’s house. There was a 12-month-old baby villain. It was a boy. His name was Black Romer. He was clapping to music of 12 clowns playing tunes and doing antics. He was laughing hard. Susan was not fat. She had a lovely pink evening dress on. A big sign hanging from the ceiling said: Hello SAY HELLO TO THE CLOWNS.

Chapter Nineteen
Too Much Happiness to Charge

Lee: They’ve had a baby.

Sylvia: We can’t.

Anne: We can’t what?

Sylvia: We can’t ruin it by charging.

Lee: I know what you mean.

Lisette: Let’s watch.

Anne: We’ll have to duck if they look through the window.

Lee: That’s a wise speech, Anne.

Anne: Ah shucks.

One of the clowns was playing a guitar, another was playing a piano, a clown was doing a somersault. They taught the little Black Romer how too. He did it over and over again. He got to strum a guitar and he pressed the keys of the piano and made some pretty weird noises. RR and SS (SS is Susan Simmer) danced waltzes while Black Romer did somersaults and then was taught to do cartwheels.

Chapter Twenty
A Funny Conversation

Lee: Aren’t they funny?

Sylvia: No don’t.

Lee: What did I say?

Sylvia: That’s for kids.

Lee: We’re kids, big kids.

Sylvia: We’re not kids.

Lee: Then what are we?

Sylvia: Big teenagers.

Lisette: Mind your manners.

Sylvia: You want a spanking.

Lisette: Yes do.

Sylvia: O.K.

Lisette: No don’t.

Sylvia: Shut up.

Lisette: Dumb dumb.

Sylvia: Wawawa.

Lee: Sylvia’s a baby.

Sylvia: I am not.

Lee: No don’t.

Sylvia: Don’t what?

Lee: Stupid Sylvia, I’m supposed to say you want me to put corn up your nose and . . .

Sylvia: No don’t.

Lee: Now you’re getting it.

Anne: I know the ABC.

Lisette: O.K. say it, say the ABC.

Anne:

Lee: Anne, that’s shapes.

Anne: Oh.

Lisette: I know the ABC.

Sylvia: Say it.

Lisette:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24.

Lee: That’s numbers.

Elders: We know the ABC. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.

Anne: I know colors.

Lisette: Say ’em.

Anne: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.

Lisette: Anne, that’s the ABC.

Anne: Oh.

Lisette I know it.

Anne: Say it.

Lisette:

Anne: I think that’s shapes. It goes like this: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25.

Lisette: That’s numbers.

Elders: Colors are red, blue, white, orange, green, purple, pink, yellow, gray, brown, black, tan, puce, beige, scarlet, cherry, crimson, sky, and that’s all, except gold, silver, brass, and copper.

Chapter Twenty-One
Let’s Get Ready to Charge

When we returned home we got ready to charge.

Lee: Get the mirror.

Sylvia: Get swords.

Anne: I’ll get the mirror.

Lisette: I’ll get the swords.

Lee: I’ll get guns.

Sylvia: Where are the shields?

Lee: How do I know?

Sylvia: I found’em.

Lee: Where?

Sylvia: In the basement.

Lee: Hey!

Anne: Hey what?

Lee: I’ll look in the basement.

Anne: For what?

Sylvia: The guns of course.

Lisette: I got the swords.

Sylvia: Now hunt for the belts.

Lisette: Why the belts?

Sylvia: You’re silly. Why do we need the belts? To hold the swords, that’s why.

Lisette: I know where the belts are, I’ll get them.

Lee: I got the guns. Lisette, the belts are down here.

Lisette: Why didn’t you get ’em?

Lee: Because my hands are full.

Lisette: I’ll get ’em.

Lee: Be my guest.

Sylvia: Lee’s right, be my guest.

Minutes later.

Lisette: Got the belts.

Lee: We’ll charge tomorrow.

Sylvia: You took the words out of my mouth.

Lee: Oh now really, did I?

Sylvia: Oh yes you did.

Lee: Very amusing.

Anne: Ho ho, touch your toe.

Lee: I won’t.

Anne: You won’t what?

Lee: I won’t touch my toe.

Anne: I got the mirror. I got some gunpowder too.

Lee: O.K. we’re ready, now pack up all these things.

Sylvia: On the double.

Lisette: O.K. O.K. O.K.

Anne: O.K. O.K. O.K.

Lisette: Copycat Anne.

Lee: Shut up, Lisette.

Chapter Twenty-Two
A Ancestor Story

After all was ready Lee said, “Come and I will tell you a story.” Lee began.

Once in our ancestors’ time two of our ancestors were believed gods because it was said they were blessed by God and the angels. And so it was like that our ancestors were made the rulers of Victoria and England and a part of Spain, and here is one of the stories about them. They were named Lina and Shon, a boy and girl. The girl could draw pictures that would come alive and she could fly. The boy could speak and then the person, place, or thing he was talking about would float down from the words and could be seen only by good people’s visions, and he could walk on water. One day he spoke a word of wisdom and sang a song that went like this:

I think of butterflies going flit flit.

I think of sunshine and moonlight and stars all around.

I think of horses with reins

and hearts on the counters of France and Spain.

Hold the reins

and ride along my love

or the angels of heaven will greet me.

Come along

ride along my love

and we shall be married.

After he sang his song an angel came unto him and said,“I shall come and I shall lead ye to thy love,” and he followed the angel and beheld a lovely fairy who led him to a palace and a lovely naked lady sat on a chair, Venus. Shon married Venus and they rode on Pegasus together. Meanwhile Lina flew to them and called, “Meet the couple of the sky.” Then Lina fled down and sat in the water almost drowning. Then the king of the sea rescued her and turned her to a mermaid and married her. And if any young gentleman saw her wringing water out of her hair and sending kisses out into the air and collecting waterlilies, they would surely fall in love. And if they did the marine king would shout, “That’s my wife!” put them in a trunk right into the ocean where the trunk would sink and the young man be drowned, and then he would kiss his bride’s hand and say, “No one will touch you except me.” And then she would kiss him and say something I will say to you, and she said it too. The end.

Chapter Twenty-Three
The Descendents of Magic

“Tell us another story about our ancestors. That one was good,” cried the youngsters all in one breath. “O.K.,” said Lee.

Once upon a time one of our ancestors was a widow woman who was so poor she had only two pennies, so one day she went to the king and said, “Oh great master of France, may I have 10 silver coins to help me survive?” “No oh wicked hag, only a hag would ask for silver coins.” At that moment two soldiers came, in silks and metal, plumes and spurred boots, each holding a spear and a lance, shouting, “We obey to kill the wicked hag for our master of France!” Our poor ancestor looked around and frowned deeply for a few minutes. Then she stretched out her hand and a bolt of lightning shot from it. It curved in three directions, the first one towards the king, the second one towards the first guard, and the third one towards the second guard. The king dived aside but the guards were killed. Amazed, the king called his 10,000 men and guards. They rushed towards her. Again she frowned deeply for a few minutes then repeated, “King, King of Hell instead of France,” five times over and jumped out the window. There she floated down so slow it was like she had a parachute. She landed plop upon the ground and headed for the ocean as soon as she could pick herself up again. She jumped into the ocean. The waves made a seat for her, she sat in it, and as soon as she sat in the wave seat she turned into a beautiful girl, the princess of the sea. “Aurevoir to the land forever!” she cried, and sailed away forever. No one saw her until 1782. A traveling seaman saw her in a shell coach drawn by 12 sea horses. In a flash she was gone. He went back to the mainland and carved her on the bow of his ship. Then in 1882 a fisherman on a stormy night saw a silver and gold fin, and suddenly a slender body rose out of the waves and said, “Let no mainlander see me again,” and no one ever did see her again forever after. The very end.

“That’s a fun story,” said Sylvia. “Let’s go for a swim,” said Lee. When they went swimming first the youngsters said they would not go in unless the elders would first, so the elders slowly walked over to the pond and jumped in. Then a wave came and made a seat for them. “We’re the descendents!” cried the elders, “we can ride the waves.” Lisette began to cry. “Waves, bring our elders back!” she shouted. It did no good. Anne began to weep. Lisette reached out as if to touch the riders of the wave, but she could not because every time she tried, it backed away from her. “Bring them back!” Anne wailed. Then Lee said in panic, “Waves, bring us to our young ones!” The waves immediately stopped in front of the youngsters and a rug of seaweed spread out for them. Then the elders went ashore.

Chapter Twenty-Four
Study All Day Long

“Isn’t it 5 o’clock?” said Lee after they had gone home. “Yes, it is. 5 o’clock is the time school opens back in Paris,” said Sylvia. “Well we don’t have to go because school is in Paris and we’re in the Congo,” said Anne. “Well you’re studying anyhow,” said Lee. “Sylvia, go and get rope, stones, bricks, and wood. Anne and Lisette, you go get your paper, lead pencils, colored pencils, erasers, tape recorder, and calculator,” commanded Lee. “I’ll help Sylvia.” So the youngsters ran to get their things and Lee explained they were going to build a schoolhouse. Then she said, “The rope is in the storeroom. I’ll get the wood.” So they branched off. Anne and Lisette hunted for them. Two hours passed and a wall was up. Three hours passed, the structure and another wall was up. Five hours passed, the ceiling and fourth wall went up. Two more hours passed, the beams and door were put in. It was midnight by then. The little workers in light nighties went to bed. At dawn they woke. Sylvia and Lee put in the window boxes. A fence was put around an open space by the building. Sylvia planted grass and flowers and a tree in the open space and Lee filled the window boxes with soil and put flowers in the soil. Inside the building they put two desks and two chairs, a table, a big desk, and a chalkboard with chalks. At 5 o’clock Anne and Lisette put their school things in the desks. They sat outside until they heard the alarm ring. They came in in a line and gave two apples to Sylvia and Lee who were sitting at the big desk. “Thank you for the apples, you may be seated,” said the elders. Anne and Lisette sat at their desks and turned on their desk lamps. “What shall we call you?” they asked. “Miss Doe and Miss Deer,” said the elders. “Come over here, pupils, let us learn to write a few words.” Slowly the youngsters walked over to the elders. Lee wrote CAT and said, “Anne, do you know what this says?” Lisette nudged Anne. Anne got up, went closer. “C-A-T,” sounded out Anne. “The word is cat.” “Turn on your tape recorders,” said Sylvia. After both of them had turned on their tape recorders, Sylvia said, “The word cat is spelled C-A-T.” Then Lee said, “The word dog is spelled D-O-G. Now math. Turn off your tape recorders and turn on your calculators.” Lisette and Anne turned off their tape recorders. Lee spoke. “Anne, how much is 1 + 1?” “It is 2,” said Anne.“How much is 1 + 2?” said Sylvia. “It is 3.” “Now we will have lunch,” said Lee. “Push your chairs over to the table.” Lisette and Anne did. They were served milk and sandwiches. After lunch they sang songs, played with blocks, and rested. After that they had drawing class and practiced writing. Then they played in the spot by the school while Lee and Sylvia ate crumpets and tea. After that they did puzzles and jigsaws.

Chapter Twenty-Five
Charge!!!!!!

Studying went on for several days, except on Sunday and Monday. Lisette and Anne had to read words, tell answers, and write the ABC. Finally Lee said, “Time to charge, immediately.” Dandy their horse ran to the wagon. Anne and Lisette hitched Dandy. Anne hitched Mandrake. Sylvia and Lee covered the wagon with a canvas to cover it. Lee tied on the canvas while Sylvia hitched Lisette and Anne up. Lee and Sylvia hitched themselves up and pulled and pulled till they were off. They walked 12 miles and 5 blocks till they came to his hideout. They unhitched everyone, put Dandy on a picket line, unhooked the canvas, and put on their weapons. Dandy grazed happily. Lee opened the door, her comrades behind her. She set Mandrake down. Mandrake knew what to do. He growled and ran through the hideout barking, scratching, biting, till two men lay dead. The Red Romer got all his stuff and men, locked Susan and Black Romer in a tower, and made his men fight. Lee and Sylvia were good fighters. In a hour they had 20 lying dead, but Anne and Lisette had 5 in a hour. The Red Romer came. He took his bombs and stuff and shot them. The group got behind the mirror. The mirror reflected back every bomb. Lee took a sack of gunpowder, tied a string to it, a long string, and put it in a corner. She put a spark on the string. She lighted a stick of dynamite and threw it at the sack. Suddenly it exploded. The mirror reflected it. They were safe behind the mirror. Dandy was in the space behind the mirror too so he was not hurt. Then the hideout exploded. Everyone bad died and was buried in a rain the mirror and moon had caused. So our comrades packed and went home well but tired, and somehow Lee knew that Black Romer was still roaming looking for evil to do.

The End