The Grammatically-Correct Librarian (William’s class; taught this week by Anya and Madeline) By Peri Gordon, 11

Oliver stammered, “I’m, uh, not sure, uh, ma’am, would you like me to assist you with the book sorting?” “What do you think?” snapped the librarian. “Well, I wanna do whatever to help, and I think, uh, you’d be fine with that.” Really, he just needed to access that book, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to, not having a library card. Since he spoke casually and didn’t always use proper grammar, the librarian did not seem to be fond of him and would not let him help out, either. The librarian was also an English teacher–in fact, Oliver was in her English class–and she expected him to obey the grammar rules she had taught him. It wasn’t fair–she was probably the only person in the world who spoke perfectly! “You want to help me in whatever way possible, you mean. Now, if you are anything like the way you speak, you are quite clumsy, so please remind me how you could help me to sort books.” “I’m okay at it, I mean, I’ll try my hardest; please, I really need…” “You need what? I won’t be paying you, if that’s what you want. Please go away.” “Not money, I just…just let me sort some books, I really have to do it!” How would he get to look at the book he needed? “Let’s see how much you’ve learned from me. Which is correct: “Me and him know each other” or “He and I know each other?” “The second one.” “Repeat the phrase.” “Er, the second one.” “No, no, no, I meant that you must repeat the choice that is correct!” “Me and he…I mean, he and me…I mean, me and I…sorry, I forgot it.” “Get out!” Oliver took a deep breath and murmured to himself, “It’s not fair. I’m never gonna see that book.”